Monday, September 18, 2017

I Hate to Mow!

Good Morning –

I decided early this morning I would go outside and maybe mow.  I hate to mow.  My electric mower sat under 2ft of water for 2 days, so I had some concerns that it wouldn’t even work.  Today is Sept. 18 and while it’s still summer here, the past several days we started having cool evenings/mornings and low-ish humidity.  I walked out a little after 7am and WHAP!, I was hit in the face with a hot, wet, blanket of humidity.  Hmmm – 89 degrees, 95% humidity, 7am - Nope – not mowing.  Which is fine – I hate to mow.  I am not fond of grass.  And I have a push mower because I can control it, mostly.  My one and only experience with a riding mower … well, it wasn’t good….. 

2011        My husband had a gasoline powered, zero turn radius riding mower.  What I discovered was you really have to think about what you're doing with that damn thing.  It's "go forward, stop, go back" functions are in the handles that curve over your lap.  Plus, the wheels are attached to those handles and if you push the left side a little further than the right, you go all catawampus.  There are two speeds - turtle and rabbit.  (I drove baby turtle with a death grip on the steering handles.)  A friend of mine came over and gave me driving lessons on the mower-from-hell and, here are a few observations:

1.  Mowing is boring.  Really boring.   I started off going back and forth, back and forth (sort of straight lines, sort of).  Got bored with that and started going in a big circle. Booorrring.  Then I just ran over big clumps of grass.  Mostly, it all got knocked down.

2.  It's loud.  I can't imagine how you'd listen to music or anything else in that noise. My friend gave me a pair of ear protectors to wear.  Even with those, it's loud.

3.  You not only have to watch the ground to make sure you mow acceptable things (grass/weeds - yes; tree limbs - pretty much a no), you have to watch where you are too.  Tree branches will smooth knock you off the mower if you don't pay attention. 

4.  Yards are really bumpy.  You bounce all over the place on that mower (hence the "death grip" on the handles).  I don't like roller coasters at the best of times, much less one that has a huge knife attached to the bottom.  I'd say it needed a seat belt but I suspect it's better to be thrown off than trapped under.

5.  Women have to wear a bra.  Bumpty, bump, bump, bump - the whole time.

6.  You cannot take your hands off the steering handles - ever -  while it's in forward gear!  The damn thing veers off into whatever is close by (flowerbed, fence, tree, AC unit). 

7.  I found it was really easy to run into flowerbeds, fences, and trees all by myself with both hand on the steering handles.  The mower was fairly forgiving and didn’t chew up the fence or trees but played havoc with my flower beds.  Also, you have to remember that the silly thing is wide in the middle and just because the front will get through a tight place, the middle may not.  Getting stuck is very annoying.

8.  You need goggles.  I mean that thing throws up dirt, sticks, and chewed up weeds and grass like crazy AAANNNDDD you cannot take your hands off the steering handles to rub something out of your eye or off your face.

9.  If you mow through an ant bed or a place where the grass is sparse and the dirt is much, it's like driving through a dust storm, or in the case of the ant bed - a dust storm with pissed off bugs that bite.

10.  Reverse is a pain in the patootie.  There's no rear-view mirror on the thing.  My brain would think "go straight back".  My hands would gently pull the steering handles toward me and the damn thing would go in a circle in reverse.  I obviously am "back-up" challenged.

So, now I have the little mower.  Easily controlled.  A lot of work.  I really hate to mow.

Take care

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