Some long years ago, a good
friend gave me a small book titled “The Politically Correct Night Before
Christmas”. And, since the world is so weird these days, I thought to share it with you . . . .
‘Twas the night before
Christmas, when all through the Nation
Not a creature was stirring, not even a small endangered rodent
The synthetic wool foot coverings were hung by the non-wood burning fireplace with care,
In hopes that the non-religiously associated Mr. Claus would soon be there;
The young people were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of green toys and healthy foods dances in their heads;
And mamma in her non-gender specific PJs and I in my sweats,
Had just settled our minds for the nightly sleep trek;
When out on the lawn there
arose such a clatter.
I sprang from my bed to see was the matter
To the window I ran in such a great hurry
While popping back a few Tums to deal with that evening’s curry;
The lunar sphere’s light
on the sure-to-be highly polluted frozen H20
Gave the image of midday to my Prius below
When what to my wondering eyes did appear
But a smallish snow vehicle and eight size-challenged endangered reindeer;
With a vertically
challenged, elderly driver so lively and quick
I knew in a moment he must be Mr. Nick
Quicker than electric cars his size-challenged endangered reindeer they came
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name;
(well, ok, this one can stay. . .as long as these size-challenged mammals are getting overtime. . . )
“Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”
As leaves that before the
man-caused weather event fly,
When they meet with an obstacle and fly to the undoubtedly polluted sky;
So up to the housetop the size-challenged endangered reindeer they flew
With the winter vehicle full of responsible, eco-friendly child’s things, and Mr. Nicholas too—
And then, in a twinkling,
I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each size-challenged hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Mr. Nicholas came with a bound;
He was dressed all in
faux-fur, from his head to his foot,
And thanks to our woodless fireplace, his clothes weren’t all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of responsible, eco-friendly child’s things he had flung on his back,
And he looked like an authorized street vendor just opening his pack;
His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His quaint, size-challenged mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard on his chin was as white as the frozen H20;
The stump of a pipe he did
NOT hold tight in his teeth,
And naturally, no smoke encircled his head like the wreath of a tree we just killed;
He had a broad face and a size-challenged, spherical belly
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of sugar-free jelly;
He was unhealthily
overweight, a right jolly, elderly little person,
And I laughed when I saw him. . .how rude was I!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but
went straight to his work,
And filled all the synthetic wool foot coverings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the faux chimney he rose;
He sprang to his winter
vehicle, to his size challenged endangered reindeer gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight—
“Happy Holidays to all, and to all a good night!”
13 Dec 2020